Prince Charming or Kissing Frogs: Part 2 with Hot Bonus
The Situationships:
Continuing from part 1, I had not given my childhood list any thought in a very long time. For one, I hardly dated guys with blue eyes, so that had to go. For two, guys with blond hair had never worked in my favor. Specifically, I was more interested in the tall dark, and handsome type, and I am a sucker for big brown eyes. Surprisingly, my taste had matured from the JTT’s of the early 1990s, and I was now onto the Johnny Depps and Orlando Blooms of the 2000s. Looking back now, I think Johnny Depp was always on my list, and we can all thank the movie Cry Baby for that with “please mister jailer, let my man go free.”
This time I had it all figured out. Now, instead of dating men, I would put them in “situationships.” If you don’t know what a situationship is, it is exactly how it sounds. You can kind of call it a type of “friend zone,” but you are still open to the romantic future. Do not do this, it is almost always going to turn into an “almost doesn’t count” situation, and the beginning of the story will always hint at how the relationship will end. Just like in movies, they leave you these little easter eggs for you to figure out; it’s just like that. However, as I said before, I have very foggy rose-colored glasses, so it takes me a little longer to fully learn my lessons, and I am a master at repeating my own mistakes. I once read a meme that said, “you only get 1000 chances with me, and then I’m done.” I’m not sure if that is the fault of my childhood list, or if that was a personal preference? I started seeking advice from my younger adult brother. I never wanted to listen, but I would ask him regardless. He doesn’t like any guy I bring home. He’s a tough cookie, and he thinks I deserve something I’m not sure exists, so I guess you can kind of see a good intention there somewhere. Who knows why?
Just to cover my bases again, I have changed the names and some of the circumstances to protect my frogs. So, without further ado, my 2 most favorite situation-frog-ships from my adult years, and a short bonus story for all the Buffyverse fans out there.
Flynn Rider:
Rapunzel locked herself up in that tower since she no longer trusting her man instincts. She kept busy painting her new wanted list on all the walls, and she “swept till the floors all clean.” She was living a dull life until Flynn Rider climbed her tower. The dashing charismatic young man with the big brown eyes and a smolder for days that just came barreling through her window. With Maximus, my very overprotective brother, on his tail, and he accidentally unintentionally brought Flynn in Rapunzel’s direction. Whenever Flynn and Maximus had conversations, Flynn would mysteriously come down with a case of amnesia when it came to Rapunzel. Overall, Maximus believed that Flynn Rider was no good, and he was only after one thing; he was probably right; however, Rapunzel didn’t seem to care.
In fact, Rapunzel had big dreams surrounding Flynn and his great hair, and he held her heart from the moment he said, “I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you, but may I just say, HI.” More importantly, Rapunzel wasn’t the young and innocent girl that was seen on the Tangled screen; she was an older more mature, successful woman, more like Mother Gothel, but not the villain, but I like the idea of being Rapunzel. Anyway, Flynn Rider was very intimidated by this creature, and he felt he could never measure up to her. For someone who had such great hair, dreamy eyes and a smolder for days, he lacked self-confidence and self-worth. Do you think that this stopped Rapunzel? No. She loved a challenge, and she was convinced that she could help him realize that he could do it, and he was worthy of such a magnificent creature. If he could just believe in himself. Like that Smashmouth song, “love was out to get me, that’s the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams, and then I saw her face, now I’m a believer.”
Years later, in a series of mysterious amnesia events, Rapunzel realized that maybe Flynn Rider was right from the beginning, and love was not out to get him, and he was not a believer. Maybe, just maybe, he was not adding up to what she needed or deserved in her life. While that was true, and even if he came into her life with great hair; his hair did not stay the same in her eyes. It was a great shame, but we walked away as friends. Now, in no way will I admit that Maximus was right. Only, I stood for my self-worth, and I was worth more than sticking around waiting for a guy who brought me nothing but great hair in the beginning and just took the hair away.
He was closer to my list, but he still didn’t hit all the categories. It is never too late to claim back your dignity and self-worth no matter how long you stayed down the rabbit hole (ops, wrong movie).
Shrek:
Speaking of Smashmouth, we will dive right into the world of a grumpy Ogre that loves his swamp. I know that I am going a little off base with the Shrek theme, but this guy does not make it easy to pick out a simple character. He is an extraordinarily complex being. I considered Peter Pan and The Lion King, but nothing really seemed to fit well enough for this guy. He is a happy camper and very social while having his eye-ball-tinies, but he can be grumpy as hell when he is hangry. Meanwhile, he is also very content with staying alone in his swamp. He claims to want his princess, yet he does nothing to claim her or any princess for that matter. In other words, Princess Fiona gets rescued from the dragon, but she gets sent to Lord Farquaad. Even though they had started a grand connection, sharing their spider-webbed cotton candy sticks, having fun, and skipping through the fields together, they just couldn’t pull it together to get anything out of it, so friends they remained. You can rest assured that Dragon was playing Fionna Backstreet Boys hit song, “Get Another Boyfriend” (with lyrics for you this time). I don’t think I need to tell you who Dragon is in this fable.
One day, years later, Fionna came back from Lord Farquaad because, well, that should be an obvious reason to anyone who looks at the guy. Anyway, Fionna approached Shrek and said, “Hey, shall we give this spider cotton candy another try?” Shrek, much like Flynn Rider, held Fionna up on some high ground, and he did not feel like he could reach up that far. Now, I don’t blame these guys for looking at me with such light. However, he felt he had nothing to offer, but he thought he would take some time to think this offer over. Meanwhile, Fionna is getting a little tired of these games of male insecurities, and she has truly learned her lessons from Flynn already. No matter how pretty they are, they are not worth your time if they can’t step up. Above all, an Ogre should know his truth, and the truth is in his swamp. So, this time, I read my easter eggs set out for me, and I ditched with the friendship still intact. Not only that, but Ogres are not on my list either, and at this point in Fionna’s life, she should be the chased and not the chasey. It’s a part of the natural game for all Ogres.
Hot Bonus: Valentines Day of 2001:
For Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans. Buffy was 16 years old, and she was getting ready to celebrate Valentine’s day, but she was nervous. In fact, she was in a love triangle with both Owen and Scott. Beyond that, she is expecting a clash of both guys on this romantic day. She may have been a slayer of all demons and vampires, but she was not ready to deal with the choice of which boyfriend to spend such a romantic day with. Rest assured, not one of them showed up or called. She ended up spending the night with her bestie, fellow slayer Faith, who was also ditched by her boyfriend, watching a movie called Valentine featuring David Boreanaz. Some would say it was karma for dating 2 guys at one time, but Buffy nor Faith believed that. After all, both those guys were no Angel.
Finally, I was starting to get down to the bottom of these lessons, but how many more were in store for me? One thing was for sure, my list was getting an overhaul again, and I was starting to narrow down what I genuinely wanted. What did I learn? What was I looking for now? Did I get closer, or did I hit another no cigar? We shall find out in part 3. Was he a prince or a frog? See for yourself.
Take care till next time! With lots of love — Liz
